What do i do. I am not depressed at all. I just hate being alive ?

I don't think you hate being alive, I think you hate the state your life is in now and what you think you are required to do. It's imperative that you take control of your own life and make yourself first in line. You're not very good for anyone else in your life if you don't take care of yourself first. There is a lot of literature out there that explains how we got this way and how to get out of it. However, a current book that is quite good is called 'The Four Agreements.' Take a look at it. Good luck!